Five Hard Learned Lessons from Inside the Sex Toy Industry

The sex toy industry is booming, but I've learned that behind the velvet packaging and empowering slogans, things aren't always what they seem. I spent time inside this world, hoping to find a space dedicated to genuine intimacy, education, and pleasure. What I found was a series of contradictions and disappointments.

Here are five hard learned lessons from my time working within the sex toy industry:

1. The Conversation Is Tacky and Low Brow

Despite the desire for elevation, the dominant marketing and consumer facing conversation remains stuck in the gutter. It’s full of forced jokes, innuendo, and a general air of cheapness. The industry often defaults to what it thinks is "fun" or "relatable," which all too often translates to tacky and low brow. This approach fundamentally fails to respect the nuanced, emotionally rich, and deeply personal topic of sex and pleasure.

2. Despite Being Female Led, Everything Is for the Male Gaze

There’s a significant and vocal contingent of female entrepreneurs and CEOs in this space, yet a large portion of the product design, branding, and marketing is still subtly, or not so subtly filtered through the male gaze. Products designed for female pleasure are often marketed with an underlying premise of 'how this can improve her performance' or 'how it can please her partner.' The focus remains on aesthetics and performance over genuine, non performative female pleasure and self discovery.

3. It Hasn't Moved Forward or Elevated Since the Early 90s

While technology has advanced, the core ethos and aesthetic of the industry are stagnant. The majority of the conversation and product offerings feel trapped in the early 1990s, a world of garish colours, clunky design, and a focus on novelty over quality. The sector desperately needs an injection of modern design, sophistication, and genuine emotional intelligence to bring it into the 21st century.

4. We Use Female Empowerment as a Trade Lever

The most disheartening discovery was how often female empowerment is used as a cynical marketing tool. Phrases like "take back your pleasure" or "own your sexuality" are trotted out not as a mission statement, but as a lever to drive sales. It's an issue when a deep, complex social movement is reduced to a tagline to sell a product. The focus shifts from truly empowering women to simply selling them something.

5. Inclusive Means Tick Box

The drive for inclusivity often falls into the trap of tick box representation. A diverse range of models is used, and language is carefully crafted, but the core conversations and educational materials often lack real depth on topics like gender fluidity, non-binary experiences, disability, or asexuality. Genuine inclusivity requires more than just casting a wide net; it demands that the products, education, and entire brand philosophy are designed with diverse experiences in mind from the ground up.

The Conversation We Actually Need

Sex, consent, and female pleasure are dominating British media and podcast culture and that’s a fantastic step. Yet, in the midst of all this chatter, I see a void. There's almost no one speaking beautifully and intelligently about intimacy, embodiment, and education.

The U.K. doesn't need another funny, wink wink take on sex. It needs an elevated, educational, emotionally intelligent conversation, one that feels beautiful, truly inclusive, and grounded in respect for the human body and spirit. We need to move past the novelty and the noise, and start talking about pleasure as a vital part of a balanced, emotionally intelligent life. And that's where Embohd comes in.

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